15 Things Better Than An Ugly Tie

It’s that time of the year again. Deck the halls, trim the tree, light the minora, hang mistletoe from your belt buckle and practice your best “you really, no I mean really, shouldn’t have” smile.  Fear not Men, this year you’ll have more than egg nog on Christmas Eve to look forward to!  Yes, the days of ugly ties, blue bowling balls and Jelly of the Month Clubs are over!  No longer will the females in our lives have a free pass to give us a Dr. Huxtable sweater and a pair of new Dockers (“well honey, you know how you’re so rough on your pants all the time”). Every Man has his f’n limits! 

The Mantuary is here to help.  This year, direct your girlfriend, wife, and everyone in between to the Mantuary as we will be highlighting some of the greatest gifts to give any Man this Holiday season.  We have compiled a list of 15 things that are sure to be a hit for all types of budgets. But before we get to the good stuff, keep in mind a few things to stay away from:

  1. F*ck Brookstone!  Please don’t spend $100 on a weather machine that tells me what’s going on outside our window.  Sam’s Club has a better massage chair for half the price.  I will never use the golf tee/ball set you think is unique.  I do not need a fogless shaving mirror and even if there was something there that I liked it would mean so much more to me if you shopped around and got a gift of equal quality for half the price from Wal-Mart or Home Cheapo. 
  2. I may be in my 20′s, 30′s, 40′s, or 50′s (hell, even 60′s) but a Wii, X-Box, or similar gaming system would be f’n sweet!
  3. If it comes in a “gift set,” I don’t want it.  This means no deodorant, shaving kits, cheese and meat that hasn’t been refrigerated in 6 years, shitty car soap, you get the idea…
  4. If we have to wear it and it doesn’t hold beer, a weapon, or tools the answer is NO, NO, NO!  Note: If you have to wear it only after the kids go to bed – GAME ON!
  5. If it is a single item that combines two unrelated things, I’ve got news fo’ ya – they were meant to be unrelated.  No television-toasters, clock-radio-smoothie-machines, etc….
  6. If it is for “the home” and not “the garage” or “the basement” we’ll pass.
  7. Last but not least, if it’s for The Mantuary, please refer to the list below or Stuff You Should Own and not what the friend from your knitting circle recommended.

Now that we’ve got that straight, I present to you:

15 Things Better Than An Ugly Tie
(that every guy wants this Holiday season):

15. Sony MDR-NC40 Noise Canceling Headphones

14. Night Vision

13. The Dangerous Book For Boys

12.  Swiss Gear Computer Backpack

11.  Rocky Patel Cigars

10.  Bayou Classic Wing Rack

9.  The Alphabet of Manliness

8.  Fatheads

7.  GPS Navigation System

6. Home Depot Gift Cards

5.  Suunto Watch

4.  Single Malt Scotch

3.  Charcoal

2.  Stadium Seating

1.  The Official Mantuary Sign 

Be A Man.

-The Founding Father

 

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