The Mantuary

BUY MANTUARY GEAR!

With Independence Day right around the corner, I thought it would be a good chance to reminesce on the time honored tradition of hosting a good old fashioned fireworks war. I remember back to when I was a zit, somewhere between middle school and high school, before my friends and I realized that our internal biologies would soon require us to pay attention to girls. We would spend our weekends engaged in meaningless activities that meant everything…laser tag, ding dong ditch, and fireworks wars to name a few.

There are a few key factors to any good fireworks war:

1.) fireworks

2.) secluded location

3.) goggles

4.) gloves

The fireworks legally available to you depend upon the state in which you currently reside, but that never seemed stopped my friends and I from getting our hands on the appropriate fireworks to host a good war, whether or not we got them during our family vacations trekking across state lines or finding one of our friend’s older brothers who happened to live in a neighboring state where the ammo was legal. You can check on your state’s individual fireworks laws by clicking here.

A few of the fireworks that we considered necessities for a good war were:

1.) Bottle Rockets

2.) Roman Candles

3.) “Saturn” Missiles

These days my friends and I have long succumbed to our internal biologies and most of us have kids of our own, so we no longer have the energy or the moral compass to advocate such juvenile pursuits as these “young punks”:

 

…but we still find ourselves experiencing that indescribable level of excitement and joy every time we light that first wick for the fireworks display we put on for our families on the 4th of July. That said, I thought it could be beneficial for our readers to understand some basic consumer fireworks fundamentals.

A “cake” is the common term used to describe multiple-shot repeating aerial firework displays. All the tubes are fused internally, so all you have to do is light the single external fuse and you get anywhwere from 16-36 aerial shots fired in sequence. Until a few years ago U.S. regulations only allowed these devices to contain 200 grams of pyrotechnic content, which is the powder and chemicals used to produce the end result. Lucky for us, this restriction was increased to 500 grams as long as each tube in the display is spaced .5 inches apart. This requirement is probably responsible for the large bases that come along with most 500 gram cakes that you can purchase, and therefore increases the price. You can still purchase 200 gram cakes with re-loadable shells that will enable you to put on a jaw dropping display for your relatives, but the 500 gram cakes provide you with the convenience of having the show pre-assembled for you. All you have to do is buy them, line them up and flick your bic. If you’ve got the cash to spend, definitely include some 500 gram cakes in your extravaganza because they typically last 50% longer on average than the 200 cake variety.

In closing, I’ll leave you with a truly patriotic image of the American Dream, brought to you courtesy of the Dahm Triplets:

Be A Man.

- The Founding Father

“The best way to prepare for the 4th is to buy a 5th on the 3rd.” - A Wise Uncle

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