The Mantuary

BUY MANTUARY GEAR!

No Man should ever leave this earth without participating in a good ‘ol fashioned poker tournament.  From the early Western days where games would commonly end in a gun fight to the most recent World Series of Poker where the winner stands to bring home over $9 million, the game has certainly evolved yet continues to maintain a level of testosterone infused battle of wits and guts that appeals to every Man. 

And even though the gun dueling days of the 1800’s are long gone and the $10,000 WSOP entrance fee is too steep for the average poker player, that’s not to say you can’t enjoy an over the top poker experience in the comfort of your own Mantuary! 

Back in High School, long before poker became the hit that it is today, my buddies and I would toss around my dad’s cheap, paper thin, plastic poker chips playing anything from no limit hold ‘em to Acey Deucy.  We had little idea what we were doing in terms of poker strategy, but the games we played and what it represented appealed to us nonetheless.  There was no greater feeling than snapping out a fresh deck of cards in the basement of my parents’ house, cashing in with that weeks gas money, sneaking a few brews from the old man’s fridge, and having a guy’s only night playing poker… busting balls, getting buzzed and maybe if you’re lucky, winning a few bucks. 

Over the years, the poker games I held in the basement of my parents’ house have evolved into full-fledged Texas No Limit Hold ‘em tournaments in the comfort of my own Mantuary… complete with buy-ins, satellite tables, blind structures, final tables, a wall of fame, and even an 800 lb trophy that goes to the winner.  If this sounds the least bit interesting, (and it should) read on and you’ll have everything you need to conduct your own No Limit Hold ‘em poker tournament… Mantuary style.

1)  Learn the game.  You don’t need to be the Steven Hawking of the poker world, but a general knowledge of the game is a must.  With plenty of online resources to help you along the way, know the ranks of poker hands, etiquette of play, and how blind structures work.  It wouldn’t hurt to also learn some very basic poker strategies like pot odds, check raising and bluffing.  When you host a tournament, it’s imperative you are perceived as the boss.  If there is ever a discrepancy among players, you need to have the knowledge and authority to step in, explain the rules, declare a verdict and carry on play. 

2)  Go shopping.  There’s nothing wrong with the friendly neighborhood game where everyone brings their glass jar of silver coins to toss around among friends at the kitchen table.  But if you want your Mantuary to stand out among the competition, you’ll need to get an arsenal of poker supplies that fit the bill. 

You Must Have: 

• Poker Chips.  Sure, you can get away with the plastic crap that’s as authentic as Barry Bonds’ home run record but do yourself a favor and invest in a custom designed 10 gram clay set.  They’ll last a lifetime and bring a look and feel to the game you simply can’t get out of plastic.
• Timer.  As simple as a kitchen timer or Timex watch, you’ll need something to officially track time so you can follow a blind structure.
• New deck of cards.  The last thing you want is last month’s pork rind grease on the first hand that’s dealt.  Splurge for a new, fresh deck that you break open in front of your participants, layout to show their authenticity, shuffle up and go.

Step up your game with:  

• Chip Racks.  In tournament play, each player buys in and is given the same amount of chips.  Do the work ahead of time and have everyone’s chips ready to go in their own chip rack.
• Cut Cards.  “But he’s my friend!”  Bullshit… There is a cheater in every group.  Play it safe and look professional in the process.  Buy a cut card that the dealer keeps on the bottom of the deck.  It not only keeps people from seeing the bottom card, it will prevent the real savvy guys from dealing off the bottom of the deck. 
• Dealer Button.  Passed around the table to indicate who’s dealing, a nice dealer button will keep everyone in order.

You’re the next Steve Wynn when you’ve got: 

• Poker Chip Carrier As part of your opening ceremonies, nothing says you’re the real deal like walking out with a chip carrier.  Walk it to the table of awaiting players, open it up and distribute the pre-counted chips accordingly.  Top it all off with a 300 lb security guard to escort you and you’ll really look legit.   
• Stud Poker Table.  The kitchen table will do, but eventually you’re gonna get sick of bumping knees with the guy sitting next to you and there’s nothing worse than a misdeal from a card sliding off the end of your linoleum table.  Shop around for a classic, casino quality stud poker table with felted top and a padded rail.  You’ll be able to fit 10 guys comfortably around the table and have enough room for your chips too!
• Kem Professional Poker Cards I always bring out the Kem cards for the final table.  They are rugged and have the look and feel of playing at the most elite casinos.  You mean business when you bring the Kem cards out. 
• Poker drink and dinner tables.  Once you’ve invested in a $1,000+ table, you’ll want to protect it.  Wheeled carts are perfect once the house rules call for “No Drinks On The Table!”.
• A Safe. My biggest tournament paid out over 4 grand…  and I knew I’d be up shits creek if I mismanaged that kind of cash.  While you’re playing and trying to run an organized tournament at the same time, you can easily lose track of the money.  Keep it guarded and look like a pro in the process by placing it in a lock box or similar safe. 
• Payouts in dollar bills.  As the night evolves and I have a couple guys (who were eliminated) help me keep tabs on the money, I do put my guard down a bit and show off the jackpot.  Much like the tradition of the World Series of Poker, I lay out all the money when the final table gets down to 2 guys.  It’s always over the top and makes for some great drama.  To top it off, I actually clear out my money market account for the weekend and cash it out in stacks of $1 bills.  I can tell you a $4,000 payout looks a hell of a lot cooler with  40 stacks of 100 $1 bills than a measly 40 hundred dollar bills!  The eventual champion is then photographed next to the stacks and put up on the Wall Of Fame… and by Monday morning whether I win or lose, I always feel like a champ when I redeposit the money!



• A Wall of Fame.  Keep taking your sucker friend’s $100 entrance fee with nothing more than the hope of a cash prize and he’ll eventually lose interest.  Give him a shot at eternal fame by getting his picture up on the Wall of Fame in your Mantuary and you’ll have a participant for life.
• An 800 lb trophy.  Several years ago, the perfect storm of Meatheadedness played out among my friends and I.  We were a bunch of knuckleheads who had just graduated college, we were single, had good jobs and disposable incomes.  We loved poker and needed a symbol that stood for our regular poker tournaments… ideally something that could double as the trophy that would be passed from champion to champion.  What do you get when you put me in charge of such a task?  An 800 lb solid marble bust made in Italy and designed after the ugliest poker player among us.  We paid for it by raking the pot over a few tournaments so it really never cost us anything we would have missed otherwise… what we are left with though is a timeless treasure that will certainly live beyond any of us idiots will. 
  I laugh out loud at the thought of future generations finding this thing at some auction house wondering what this ugly looking, flannel shirt wearing, 20-something guy with a bald spot ever did to be immortalized in marble.  If not a statue of your craziest friend, I do suggest you get something that stands for your tournament and can be passed from champion to champion.

3)  Plan your event.  First, decide what kind of entrance fee you want, how many participants you can comfortably host and plan your tournament accordingly.  This isn’t gospel, but I’ve found $100 buy-ins with a 16 player cap (2 tables, 8 players/table) is perfect for me.  I once hosted 32+ players with re-buys and I found it to be a lot more trouble than it was worth.  Any less than 10 players and the payouts start getting a little weak.  That said, everyone has their own threshold… find your happy place and evolve accordingly.  No matter where you end up with final numbers, a great chart to use when figuring out a payout scale can be seen here:

Once you have an idea on the number of participants you’ll be hosting, setup blind structures to suit the amount of time you want the tournament to last.  Simply put, the higher the blind amount relative to the buy-in, the shorter the tournament will be… the smaller the blinds amount relative to the buy-in, the longer the tournament will be.  Keep in mind, it does not matter how many chips you choose to distribute for each player’s buy-in, it’s the ratio of the buy-in to big blind that will determine the length of your tournament. 

For example, in my tournaments I distribute $500 in chips and start the big blinds at $5 or at a ratio of 100:1.  Using that as a base, if you want a relatively shorter tournament start the big blinds at a 25:1 ratio or $20.  If you want to draw it out a little longer use a larger ratio of 125:1 or $4 big blinds to start.  Obviously there is a world of middle ground between these 2 points but I suggest you pick somewhere in between- any less than 25:1 and players will complain about getting blinded out too soon… any more than 125:1 and your gonna be looking at a multi-day tournament. 

The other variable that will determine how long your tournament lasts is how often you increase the blinds and by how much.  I use the table below which historically works perfectly for the timeframe I’m willing to host a game.  Whatever you decide for your time frame, a great rule of thumb is: when the big blind gets to be as much as the original buy-in, it won’t be long before you have a champion.  Using the example below, thats at 2:00 in the morning when the big blind reaches $500.  Again, its not gospel, but it’s a great place to start.  This is what I distribute to all participants before the cards hit the table:

• Each player will receive $500 in chips with their $100 buy-in
• Players will pick a card to decide their table and position
• 2 tables of 8 players will play until there are 3 people left at each table
• The last 3 players from each table will then merge and compete at the final table.
• At the final table, in addition to small and big blinds, all remaining players will pay an ante.
• Payouts go to the top 4 players:
• 1st place- $640, picture on Wall of fame, Trophy.
• 2nd place- $480
• 3rd place- $320
• 4th place- $160

Keep in mind, there are infinite ways to structure your blinds.  This fact will be evident by the number of participants bitching about the game “going to slow”, “going to fast”, how its “not the same as when I played in the $20 tournament at the Belagio last summer”, blah, blah, blah.  Remember, opinions are like assholes: everyone’s got one.  The one and only thing that will keep chaos from ensuing is to have a predetermined schedule, make it commonly known and do NOT waiver.  It’s not to say you can’t refine things with future tournaments, but you must stick to a game plan and screw any nay sayers in the process. 

4)  Feed the Troops.  You’ve got the gear, you’ve got an itinerary, now you’ve got to make sure the troops aren’t hungry while putting in an 8 hour shift at the table.  You’ll have your hands full coordinating the tournament so don’t overdo it by trying to feed your buddies an overly elaborate home cooked meal.  Stick with the basics and don’t be afraid to delegate as you see fit.  My typical poker party consists of:

• A fresh keg of Miller Lite.  I’ve tried to get fancy in the past with a good lager, but it can be tough to drink all night.  Go with something you can throw back till the wee hours of the morning.  Be sure you’ve got plenty of CO2 to see you through the night too… an old school pump is always nice to have on hand just in case you get caught.
• Hot Bologna.
• Cheese tray.  Block of cheddar, block of pepper cheese, cut up into squares.  Easy.
• Chips and Pretzels
• Sicilian slice pizza.  There’s something about the extra dough in Sicilian slice pizza that allows you to drink till 3 in the morning with relative ease, its amazing!  Number of guys coming divided by 2 is the number of pies I usually get.  Guys + 8 hours of poker = hungry appetites.
• Hoagies and Grinders… Meatball Saaaaaandwich.  I never had a poker party where guys complained about too much food.  It never hurts to have a couple extra sam’iches as backup.
• A nice single malt Scotch.  Lets see… it’s 3 in the morning.  I have to go to church in 6 hours.  I have 4 pounds of cheese and pickled meat in my belly.  I drank enough beer to feed a small 3^rd world country… what am I feeling like… ooh a nice single malt scotch sounds nice.  Not sure what comes over us, but we always end up sipping on a nice single malt around 3 in the morning.  UPDATED 1/27/09: Check out the ULTIMATE way to get 20 some bottles of single malt into your game.

5)  Before Your Guests Arrive.  By the time your first guest appears, you should have all the food prepped and ready to go, a dealer button and a fresh deck of cards on each table, a confirmed number of participants, the corresponding chips counted and racked, and seat assignment cards ready to go.  I always have guys show up at least a half hour before the cards hit the table to mingle, eat, drink, etc.  By the 15 minute mark, you should have all the money collected and chips distributed accordingly.  At the 5 minute mark, draw for seat assignments and have everyone take their seats at the appropriate table.  By the time everyone gets seated, you should be pretty darn close to the start of your tournament… start your blind clock, shuffle up and deal! 

6)  Once The Cards Hit The Table…  For my first tournament I found it nearly impossible to focus on my poker play while keeping the tournament running smoothly.  Here are some additional tips to help ensure a smooth tourney and optimal play:

• Clearly state any house rules. Hopefully everyone knows poker rules. In the event of a discrepancy don’t hesitate to laydown the law and mark it up as your house rule.
• Keep the deals moving and take a piss at your own risk! In my tournaments, we only take a break between the satellite tables and the final table. Anytime someone needs to dismiss themselves during play, it is at their own risk. If they fold a hand and try and get a slice of Sicilian before the next deal, the dealer should deal them in the next hand but forfeit their hand (and blind where applicable) if they are forced to act and are not there.
• No F’n Cell Phones!
• Never rake the pot. If guys want to bring food or a bottle of your favorite single malt as a token of their appreciation, that’s great… but don’t rake the pot in hopes of getting some of your money back. By doing so, you walk a fine line between cutting your losses and running an illegal game. If you want guys to buck up for food outside of the money exchanged at the table, that’s always an option, but don’t rake the pot.
• NO women!  On occasion, I’ve had guys try and bring their girlfriends, wives, even sisters to the game. I don’t give a rats ass if she can handle the guy talk… I could care less if she won $500 at the Borgata last weekend.  This is a guy’s night and I don’t want to think twice when I talk about how hot my neighbor looked while weeding her front yard last weekend.  Well… we do make one exception for cocktail waitresses.

• Do NOT bring a rookie with bad etiquette into the game just to get his buy-in. I’d rather choke on my left nut then play at a table with an asshole that takes 5 minutes to fold and show his 2-7 off suit.  Forgetting the blind is one thing, but there is no room for assholes in my poker room.
• Pick one: call your own hand or cards call themselves. Make sure you make this rule clear before you begin play. As the night evolves and everyone’s half in the bag, I’ve always found it better for the cards to call themselves.
• No Re-Buys.  You’ll inevitably have some overly aggressive guy get knocked out in the first 10 minutes only to have him badger you to get back in the game. I suggest you keep it simple to start and stick to a no re-buy policy. Otherwise you need to manage a bunch of money while trying to play and it will most likely negatively affect your game. Whatever you do, make sure it is commonly known before play begins.
• No ringers. Ultimately you are all there to have fun. If there is a ringer among you drinking water the whole time while keeping the perfect poker face, it really takes away from the game.  Everyone tightens up and you might as well bring out a chess board.  Of the first 10 tournaments I held, we all equally sucked and never had a repeat winner!
• Seat assignments.  The best way to assign seats at a poker tournament with an old deck of cards.  If you have 16 guys playing on 2 tables pull out 8 red cards (Ace, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8 of Diamonds) and 8 black cards (Ace, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8 of Clubs).  Its always a good idea for these cards to be a completely different brand/style then the ones you’ll be using for the tournament so there is no confusion once play commences.  Shuffle the 16 cards randomly and have each guy pick a card.  All the red cards go to the pre-determined red table; all the black cards go to the pre-determined black table.  The Ace takes his pick of seats, followed by the 2, 3 and so on.  For authenticity sake, I always take the last card that is left.  Once everyone is seated go around to collect the cards, shuffle up and deal. 
• 2 Guys drop at the same time.  In the event 2 guys are eliminated on the same hand, the player with more money going into that hand finishes at the higher seed.
• UPDATED 1/27/09: Check out the ULTIMATE way to get 20 some bottles of single malt into your game.

Be A Man

-The Founding Father

Filed under: How To, Poker