Playboy’s Girls of the Olive Garden?
I think that Hugh Heffner said it best when he proclaimed that the only thing men want more than a pretty girl is a pretty girl naked. Herein lies the reason for the success of Playboy and Heff’s overall achievement as one bad-ass 86 year old. I think that there are very few college guys that could roll like Heff does in his retirement (if you call it that.) However, if you hold stock in Playboy Enterprises (PLA) you know that it has taken quite a beating over the past few years down over 70% from October 2007. The market went soft (bad joke) on Playboy with increased competition from the internet and other on demand mediums in the “adult entertainment” industry. Pubescent teenagers and creepy old guys are taking their hairy palms full of cash in droves to the internet and away from print.
So what is Heff to do? The once declared “Titan of Tits” has approved a plan to remake Playboy on the internet starting off with The Girls of the Olive Garden…. No that’s not a typo. Playboy… the magazine that has caused more DNA to be spilled than chemist with parkinson’s is now featuring waitresses from the Olive Garden? What’s next the hoes from Denny’s? This leads me to believe one of two things: A) There is a wide enough market of men that fantasize about Italian chain-restaurant waitresses with oil and vinegar (not kidding take a look at the pictures) that Playboy thinks that they can gain market share B) The Heff got in a marketing meeting with a bunch of wise-ass corporate folk who have made millions while looking at naked girls, and for shits and giggles they decided what the weirdest fetish they could bring to the mainstream would be. Either way, there are plenty of jokes to ensue… like “oh I’ve got a bread stick for you.” Fair warning for all Olive Garden waitresses there is going to come a time very soon in which you are going to have some creepy patrons hell bent on giving you your tip in ones.
Now the Olive Garden’s iconic tagline is “When you are here, you’re family.” Whoa. I mean I’m not even sure if I want to be in that family. And I mean how bad is the Olive Garden doing that they took up Playboy on their endorsement? I mean that has to be one hell of a conversation… you can hear it in the board room now. “Gentlemen… our cheesy commercials featuring people with fake Italian accents aren’t working what do you suggest?” The poor Spanish chefs suggested better food, yet somehow naked girls made it to the top of the list? I’m not sure Heff… first it was the Girl of McDonald, then the Girls of Walmart, but Olive Garden…. Really? In the words of Dr. Evil “riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight.”
Be A Man.
- The Founding Father
