The Mantuary

BUY MANTUARY GEAR!

Back when I was a zit, my parents made a point to introduce my siblings and I to all the different “experiences” and “cultural” stuff the world had to offer.  This paid off handsomely when we spent one summer traveling up and down the California coast Griswold style attending professional baseball games in 4 different west coast parks… utopia for a 12 year old kid.  Unfortunately it also meant “cultural” trips to Museums and Art Galleries… an event that made me want to choke myself. 

 I’m proud to say I’ve managed to keep myself out of Museums and Art galleries since the days I was wearing size 9 shoes.  But my culture free days are definitely numbered.  Just last week my wife reminded me the kids are “getting older and we should start exposing them to all this crap” (well… she didn’t say crap).  And unless art galleries and Museums now offer BBQ displays, poker tables and beer tasting, I can’t imagine i’ll be any more excited to go than when I was a kid.  Now before I get hate mail from a school of psycho bitches, I want everyone to know as much as I hate Art Galleries and Museums, I’ve still managed to grow an appreciation for “the arts”.

Art is defined as, the creation of beautiful or significant things and I’m proud to say the art that’s hanging in my Mantuary is both beautiful and significant. Here are some of the finer pieces I have collected over the years that I’d see fit to hang in any Mantuary: 

The Mantuary Sign.  Before you hang anything else, you need a sign that marks your territory.  I’ve got my Mantuary sign hanging above the 3^rdbay of my garage.  Just in case the kegorator, power tools, BBQ equipment and 2 couches aren’t indication enough, the official Mantuary sign leaves no doubt that this is my territory.  We’re working on a few designs and hope to offer these by the end of the year so stay tuned… subscribe to the email in the right column and we’ll keep you posted.

Updated 12/22/08- The NEW Mantuary sign is now avaialable!  Checkout the new design and order yours today!

The Beef and Pork Poster.  What’s more beautiful than a meat identification poster?  Nothing!  I have these beauties flanking my smoker in the garage serving 2 purposes:
1)  I reference it on occasion to see what part of the cow/pig my steak/chop is coming from.
2)  It pisses vegetarians off.

Buy the Beef Poster       Buy the Pork Poster

The Simpson’s Original Animation Cell.  This is as close to art gallery material as I’m gonna get.  I have original art cells that were used in 2 different episodes of the Simpsons.  They are pictures of Homer participating in 2 of my favorite Mantivities: throwing a pig roast and gambling.  I’ve been told the show has stopped making printed cells and now create the episodes using computer animation.  I guesse that means my art is now rare art.  I could give a shit, but maybe it’ll gain some respect with the art nerds out there… oh wait… I could give a shit about that either.  All I know is, it looks cool on my walls and if you’re a Simpson’s fan, you’ve gotta get one.  Best selection around is from Animation Connection.

A Marble Bust.  Michaelangelo has nothing on me.  A few years back my buddies and I had an 800 lb marble bust made of the biggest knucklehead among us.  It’s a long story but in the end I’ve got a museum quality immovable bust of an ugly, balding, flannel shirt wearing guy in his 30’s… now that’s “significant and beautiful“!

Dogs Playing Poker  This timeless classic should be hanging in every poker room out there.  To help prove my point that art is insanely irrational, some whackjob paid over $500,000 for the original Dogs Playing Poker print.  All I know is: its dogs, they are drinking, they are playing poker, its funny and for $20 you can get one on Amazon.  I’ll put the $499,980 toward my kids college education (so long as they don’t become art majors).

Tin Beer signs.  I was reluctant to add this to the list cause I’ve seen it abused so many times.  That said, I’m suggesting it with the following rule:  If your gonna go with bar signage, have some control and get some unique signs that fit your personality and interests.  Don’t go out and grab every f’n sign that has the 1950’s cartoony guy pointing at you with the catchy phrases, “Getting ugly guys laid since 1875″ and “Beer, its what’s for dinner”.  There’s nothing wrong with a few of these mixed in the bunch but over do it and your basement is gonna start looking like the entrance to a f’n Applebees.

Be A Man

-The Founding Father

 

Filed under: BBQ, Beer, Poker, Rants, Stuff You Should Own