The Mantuary

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Long ago, there was a time when a King could get his point across by sending a messenger to deliver his words in person to the party he was trying to offend, and upon doing so the disposable messenger boy would promptly be executed by the offended party. This is the way real Men communicated for most of human history, but as we all know too well, we no longer live in such a Mantopia.

These are the days of instant messages, text messages, and emails. No matter who you are, it’s impossible to truly communicate as a Man with 10 fingers and a keyboard. A Man needs to be able to yell, to threaten harm with his body language, and to send a disposable messenger boy if need be.

So what’s a Man to do in this modern age? Email has become a necessary evil in today’s workplace, and it’s not going anywhere any time soon. Add to that the fact that most corporate email is now monitored and you’re left holding your dick in the wind with a castrated set of plums when it comes to relaying anything Mano y Mano.

Never fear, The Mantuary is here to help.

A few of my friends and I have invented a small but perfect way to rebel in this Big Brother email world we live in. At the end of each message, instead of using the same limp-wristed salutations like “Sincerely,” “Take Care,” or “Thanks,” use a set of letters that stand for the type of sign-off that only a Man can give another Man. Here’s an example:

“Steve,

Thanks for submitting your TPS Reports on time.

GFYS,

The Founding Father”

In this case, GFYS would stand for Go F!#$% Your Self, but if you ever find yourself being questioned by your Human Resources department it obviously stands for Grateful For Your Services.

Here are some other favorites:

EAD = Eat A Dick

LMHBB = Lick My Hairy Bean Bag

SADUYA = Shove A Dildo Up Your Ass

KMAYCSMF = Kiss My Ass You Cock Sucking Mother F!#$%er

The best part is inventing your own acronyms that cause your friends to spend countless hours trying to decipher them while they should be working…only to turn around and spend even more time coming up with something new to send back to you that will top your latest which they just deciphered. As you can see, it’s a vicious circle that feeds upon itself so spread the word, COABBC, and…

BAM.

- The Founding Father

Send me an email with a Manly acronym salutation of your own creation at foundingfather@themantuary.com

 

 

Filed under: Rants