Loading ...Man Math 101: An Introduction
Sir Isaac Newton. As the father of Calculus, he discovered the Fundamental Theorem of Algebra which states that a polynomial equation with complex coefficients and a degree of n>0 has at least one complex root. His work may someday help find the cure for cancer which may make him iconic to some, but unfortunately meaningless to the everyday life of the average Man.
Euclid. His greatest accomplishment was a compilation of geometric proofs known as Euclid’s Elements, the only tools that he needed to prove Geometry. While geometry may be considered the Manliest of mathematical genres (rectangle = football field, sphere = baseball and boobies), there are still under 100 Men in the world who even care that it exists.
The Founding Father. Creator of THE Original Mantuary, his previous accolades include a 2.4 GPA, the capability to chug beer at inhuman speeds, 5th place ribs in a state BBQ championship, and being a good husband, father, and provider for his family. Yet all of this pales in comparison to his most recent contribution to the betterment of Mankind. His pioneering spirit and unyielding Manly ways were the root cause of his findings that prove there are clear and predictable patterns presented to Men as they lead their Manly lives among women and children. The Founding Father documented these patterns and turned them into mathematical rules and theorems in an effort to bring clarity and enlightenment to the everyday life of the average Man.
And so, I present to you the revolutionary concept that will be known from this day forward as Man Math. As you’ll see in the coming posts, these calculations provide a set of rules that every Man can live by. You will now have empirical data at your fingertips that can back up claims to your girlfriend that you can’t come over because you’re currently running on an ASR of 3. You’ll be able to justify a new Big Green Egg to the wife when you tell her your MR is way out of line, and has been that way for a while. In time, I’ll even show you the more advanced levels of Man Math that prove why you should not be surprised when you are forced to leave a baseball game in the bottom of the 8th inning with the score tied. Impossible, you say? Are you sure you properly checked your IPGR before heading to the game with wife and child? I didn’t think so.
We’ll be starting slow and adding new theorems on a regular basis. In the meantime, should you encounter any Manly predicaments that you simply cannot figure out, send ‘em my way. I’ll provide the Man Math behind your situation, proving you correct and the rest of the world wrong.
Be A Man.
- The Founding Father
Filed under: Humor, Man Math 101
I’m looking forward to finding out more about this “Man Math.”
I sit here with an eyebrow raised thinking……..you might be on th something….and if this heads in the direction I think its going, you may have just given mankind liberation.