15 Things Better Than An Ugly Tie: The Alphabet Of Manliness
From the author of the classic I am better than your kids rant posted on his Best Page In The Universe website many years ago, comes The Alphabet Of Manliness. As the inside jacket cover states, this is a book “that guarantees your balls will be stomped; a book so manly that it will make even the burliest of men (and in some cases, the burliest of women) feel inaduequate. So manly, it needs to be shaved. This collection of sacred writings may very well be the greatest compilation of all things manly throughout history.”
As I’ve mentioned before, it’s rare that I have time to read these days, and when I do it’s even more rare that I end up reading a book worth recommending. This is absolutely one of those books that I recommend 110%. This book makes for some of the best and most hilarious shitter material I’ve ever seen. Every letter of the alphabet is covered from “A is for…Ass-Kicking” to “Z is for…Zombies” (of the corporate kind). Here are some of my favorite excerpts:
E is for…Enlightenment
“Quickly, name two famous women inventors. Too hard? Okay, name one. How about a famous invention made by a woman? Give up? That’s because there are none. Men invented everything.”
I is for…Irate
“Irate: man’s default – and only – emotion. Men are always irate; sometimes for good reason, and sometimes for no reason at all. Not to be confused with moody, which is what women become at least once per month, any time you want to take a leak off a bridge, or any time you want to have sex, which happens to be 100 percent of the time. So in other words, being moody is a woman’s natural response to men being irate, because God forbid a woman do anything unless it’s in response to, or in obstruction of, something a man is doing.”
J is for…(Beef) Jerky
“If someone invented a way to package sex and put it straight into your mouth, it would taste like beef jerky.”
R is for…Road Rage
“Road rage is an off-putting phrase becasue the word ‘rage’ has negative connotations, invoking thoughts of chaos and anarchy. A more fitting phrase would be ‘road justice,’ because in the lawless wasteland known as the interstate highway system, each man must make his own justice, sometimes with the help of a tire iron.”
…and the list goes on and on. This book is f’n hilarious, so do yourself a favor and make sure to order a copy just in case it doesn’t end up in your stocking.
Be A Man.
- The Founding Father
Filed under: Humor, Stuff You Should Own
