The Mantuary

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We’re fast approaching Super Bowl Sunday, one of the most important weekends on any Man’s CalMander.  The first Super Bowl championship was held in 1967, wherein Vince and the Pack bitch-slapped the K.C. Chiefs 35-10.  There were 62,000 fans at the game and millions more watched from the comforts of their own couches.  Men around the country realized that there was finally something more than horses, boxing, and the daily numbers game on which they could wager their hard-earned money.  However, the predicament they quickly found themselves facing was the fact that as their interaction with their bookie increased, so did the number of family and friends who started showing up to watch the big game with them on that most hallowed of Sundays.  Men needed a way to vent their highs and lows as the game unfolded in mixed company, without tipping off their wives to the fact that they had just bet half of their paycheck on the Steelers giving 7. And so, the Super Bowl Squares Game was born.  You don’t need to know who is playing, who is injured, or who is favored.  All you need to know is the score of the game after each quarter, half and final.  It’s so easy even your kids, co-workers, and McNabb can play!

Here’s everything you need to know to run an effective Squares Game:

1. The Grid - Start with a 10 x 10 grid of 100 squares/boxes.  An Excel spreadsheet works good for this, or you can go old school and break-out the poster board, yard stick, and sharpie.  You can also download some printable grids here and here.

2. The Buy-In - Let it be known how much it costs to buy a square.  This typically varies depending on your audience.  $1-$5 is usually nice for the family function, and I’ve seen office game squares go anywhere from $10-$250, which can really make it interesting.  Once all of the squares have been purchased you’ll need to randomly draw for which team name goes across the top of the grid, and which team name goes down the side. After that has been determined, you’ll need to draw for the placement of the numbers 0-9 across the top and down the side. Again, depending upon your audience, the method for drawing randomly typically varies. With family and friends you can usually get away with writing down the team names and numbers on slips of paper and throwing them into cousin Billy’s baseball cap that can be passed around so each person can take a fair turn in the random (but painfully slow) selection process. At the office, efficiency is king, so we typically use our own “Magic Bingo Wheel of Death” to draw the numbers…but that’s a post for another time.

3. The Result - Each square/box now corresponds with 2 numbers. 1 corresponding with the team across the top, and 1 corresponding with the team down the side.  Those numbers represent the last digit of the score for each quarter, half, and final.  For example, if your square/box coordinates are Team A = 8 and Team B = 3, you would win if the score at the end of a quarter, the half, or the final were Team A = 28, Team B = 13.

4. The Payouts - The most common way to payout is to go by the score at the end of each quarter, half and final. For example, a $50 square game would typically payout as follows: 1st Qtr = $550 (~10%), Half = $1050 (~20%), 3rd Qtr = $550 (~10%), Final = $2850 (~60%).  A nice twist to add is the reverse kicker.  For example, a $50 square game with a reverse kicker would typically payout as follows: 1st Qtr = $400 rev $150, Half = $750 rev $300, 3rd Qtr = $400 rev $150, Final = $2000 rev $850.  If the score at the end of the first quarter was Team A = 28 and Team B = 13, the winning numbers would be Team A = 8 and Team B = 3, but the reverse kicker would also payout Team A = 3 and Team B = 8.  You can base the payout by quarter, half and final on any percentages you would like, but I find the 10,20,10,60 works well.

5. The Odds - Inevitably, you’re going to wonder if your numbers suck or not.  Lucky for you, Doug over at Pro-Football-Reference.com took the time to figure it out.  Needless to say, if you have a 0,3,4,7, or 9 you’re looking pretty good.

6. Other Variations - One of my favorite variations includes paying out every score change starting with 0-0 at kickoff! Every time a point is scored, a new square/box hits.  You keep the score change payouts nominal, and then the remaining pot goes to the final score square/box at the end of the game.  An even more complex way to payout involves the winning square/box and all of the surrounding squares that touch it, but if you’re not drunk enough to keep track of that you need to keep drinking!

If your bookie and the squares game aren’t enough to feed your gambling jones, you can always bet on the coin toss, one of my personal favorites.  You can find a history of the coin flip outcome for each Super Bowl here.  I am a “Tails Never Fails” guy. Always bet on tails.

And if betting on the coin toss still isn’t enough, check out some of the other great side proposition “must-bets” here.  Which team will nail the first coffin corner punt?  How can you go wrong?

Be A Man.

- The Founding Father

 

Filed under: Football, How To, Seasonal, Sports & Leisure