There Is No Such Thing As A Free Breakfast
Today from 06:00 to 14:00 Denny’s is offering any willing patron in the country a free Grand Slam breakfast. Admittedly, this sounded too good to be true though my curiosity got the best of me. I rallied a couple guys and we ventured to the nearest Denny’s this morning to check it out. Here’s how it went down:
23:00 last night I set my alarm for 05:00. I told the hen what I was doing and it was met with general malaise. Falling asleep with the vision of free pancakes and sausage, she was quick to remind me, “there is no such thing as a free breakfast”.
05:00 I wake up like a kid on Christmas. I hop in the shower and head off to work.
05:30 I meet BIL (brother in law) and a buddy from work and we carpool to the nearest Denny’s (about 20 minutes away). We listen to Octane and Faction on Sirius radio to get ourselves pumped up for the occasion.
05:50 we arrive at Denny’s that already had a line forming though we manage to get a seat nonetheless. The place was packed with old men and college kids. There was a particular odor that filled Denny’s and it wasn’t that of fresh pancakes and maple syrup. This was our fist sign that something was terribly, terribly wrong. It took 15 minutes for a cup of coffee.
06:10 The line was about 40 deep by now as we sat patiently to be presented our Grand Slam breakfast: 2 eggs, 2 pancakes, 2 sausage and 2 slices of bacon.
06:11The Grand Slams are here. Some adjectives we used to describe the breakfast: watery, spongy, meat-tacular, greasy, free.
06:30 we polish off the last of the meal and pay our bill (coffee was $1.65). We tip the waitress nicely; I 
can not imagine the world of hell she’ll have to face on this day. There is a line of 50+ by now as we make our way back to the car and head into work with more Octane.
06:38 the stomach starts growling. I feel like I may deliver a small child.
06:42 Besides my stomach, I never had an organ physically hurt… until now. As we drove to work, my colon, large and small intestines were all begging for mercy.
06:55 we pull into work and I make a dash for the bathroom. My colon explodes as the knots in my stomach are telling me the Grand Slam was not a good idea.
07:15 no bathroom in the world deserved what I had given it.
07:30 I write these words of advice to all who will listen: There is no such thing as a free breakfast.
Be A Man.
-The Founding Father
Dude, good lesson all around. I hope your colon lives to tell the tale for years to come.