How Are You Getting Your Economic Stimulus?
While the DOW plunges like Elliot Spitzer’s dignity, it’s hard to determine what the future brings or how to tell what’s ahead. You could watch CNBC all day and dive into the technical theories of market psychology, or you could take a look at more… entertaining things that might be a better economic indicator (or at least a more fun one to watch) than anything you could get out of the Wall Street Journal.
Skirt Length Theory
Yes, there are the economic theories abound, but this one seems to make the most sense. According to Investopedia, the Skirt Length Theory dictates that in times of financial stability shorter skirts are in style. The theory is based on the fact that when woman are comfortable they are more apt to show the goodies then when they are in times of fear. Ahh, remember those good ol days? Unfortunately, short skirts are a thing of the past and The Founding Father projects burlap body suits to be in style for the rest of 2009.
Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Indicator
Ahhh the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit edition. The greatest marketing tool the world has even known. Thanks to the editors of SI, every guy in America can justify the magazine of hotties sitting on his nightstand becuase hey, “its from Sports Illustrated”. Pure genious! Anyway, that cover depicts more than just some half naked goddess. The Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue Indicator states that when the cover girl is American, the S&P is bullish. In fact, between 1978 and 2008 the average return on the S&P was 10.5%… however the years when the cover girl was American, that figure bumped up to 13.8% on average. Who would have thought there was anything wrong with this year’s cover girl, Bar Refaeli? Unfortunate for the markets, Bar is from Israel.
Be A Man.
-The Founding Father
