The Mantuary

All I Want For Christmas

The Founding Father — Tue, 22 Dec 2009 15:52:36 +0000

Be A Man.

-The Founding Father

Whats up with the Phillies?

The Founding Father — Thu, 17 Dec 2009 21:09:26 +0000

Be A Man.

-The Founding Father

Tiger, How Could You?

The Founding Father — Wed, 02 Dec 2009 19:48:16 +0000

For the countless people out there asking the question, “Tiger, how could you?”, let me give you the quick and honest answer: Tiger Woods is a man with a penis. Shocking as it may be, there is an innate male behavior that calls for that aforementioned penis to be put into everything it can… regardless of how hot his supermodel wife is. Tiger is not the first person to have an affair and he will not be the last. As we men go through life there are those elements that keep us grounded; be it faith, family, careers, morals, or even dedication to a sport like golf, but all too many times we are weakened by temptation as countless men find themselves willing to “risk it all” for a quick hole in one (sorry, terrible joke). If you want to know the the toughest challenge for 99% of the men in the world, read that paragraph again.

Now some may think I am making excuses for the cheating men out there, but I’m not. I’m simply stating a fact of life as it pertains to innate male behavior. If you need to know, I now have as much “Man” respect for Tiger as I do every other married man who cheats on his wife: zilch. Keep in mind, the innate male behavior that tells us to boink everything that moves is the same innate male behavior that tells us to provide for our families, protect the woman and children, be a good father/husband, live honorable lives, etc.

In the end, you gauge a Man’s true character by his ability to balance all those components of life; from the quality time he spends with his kids to the time he spends in his Mantuary. From the commitment he made to his wife to his ability to shun temptation(s) in the form of drop dead gorgeous 24 year old waitresses who promise to ‘treat you right’ and maybe tickle the balls a little. Personally, I’m pretty damn proud of the balance I have in my life which touts a 14 handicap in golf and an unwavering commitment to my wife and kids.

I’d like to share a bit of advice to all men out there: If you have yet to evolve from your innate need to boink everything that moves, you are not alone, but you are also not ready to get married. You’ll end up getting extorted (Letterman), accused of rape (Kobe), impeached (Clinton), forced to resign (Spitzer), chased out of your house with a golf club and near dead after driving your car into the neighbors tree (Tiger) or your wife shot in the face (yeah, I’m talking to you Joey Buttafuoco). You won’t have a leg to stand on when compared to other real Men out there.

And for those that already made the commitment to a wife and family, congratulations. Now Be a Man… a real Man… Be a man of your word and dedicate your life to that commitment you made to your wife and kids. And while I’ll fully admit my married life is not perfect, it is in balance and I wouldn’t substitute it for anything in the world. So Tiger, you can have the million dollar homes, your green jacket and a +14 handicap, I’ll take that one thing you will never have: a wife and kids who trust him.

As my Grandfather used to say, “If ya wanna stay out of trouble, keep your pecker in your pants”.

Be A Man.

-The Founding Father

Insert Foot Here

The Founding Father — Tue, 24 Nov 2009 12:51:03 +0000

Be A Man.

-The Founding Father

Mmmmm… Scotch

The Founding Father — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 23:01:34 +0000

This just in: The Founding Father isn’t the only one who goes to extreme measures to get his beefy little paws on some delicious scotch. Read on…

WELLINGTON, New Zealand - A beverage company has asked a team to drill through Antarctica’s ice for a lost cache of some vintage Scotch whiskey that has been on the rocks since a century ago.

The drillers will be trying to reach two crates of McKinlay and Co. whiskey that were shipped to the Antarctic by British polar explorer Sir Ernest Shackleton as part of his abandoned 1909 expedition.

Whyte & Mackay, the drinks group that now owns McKinlay and Co., has asked for a sample of the 100-year-old scotch for a series of tests that could decide whether to relaunch the now-defunct Scotch.

Workers from New Zealand’s Antarctic Heritage Trust will use special drills to reach the crates, frozen in Antarctic ice under the Nimrod Expedition hut near Cape Royds.

Al Fastier, who will lead the expedition in January, said restoration workers found the crates of whiskey under the hut’s floorboards in 2006. At the time, the crates and bottles were too deeply embedded in ice to be dislodged.

The New Zealanders have agreed to try to retrieve some bottles, although the rest must stay under conservation guidelines agreed by 12 Antarctic Treaty nations.

Fastier said he did not want to sample the contents.

“It’s better to imagine it than to taste it,” he said. “That way it keeps its mystery.”

Richard Paterson, Whyte & Mackay’s master blender, said the Shackleton expedition’s whiskey could still be drinkable and taste exactly as it did 100 years ago.

If he can get a sample, he intends to replicate the old Scotch and put McKinlay whiskey back on sale.

“I really hope we can get some back here,” he was quoted as telling London’s Telegraph newspaper. “It’s been laying there lonely and neglected. It should come back to Scotland where it was born.

“Even if most of the bottles have to remain in Antarctica for historic reasons, it would be good if we could get a couple,” Paterson said. Source: The Associated Press | 16 Nov 2009 | 10:02 AM ET

Be A Man.

-The Founding Father